The power of deep listening

Since we are born, we learn from our parents and at school that we have to remember a lot of words, concepts and notions. We are so induced to think that this mental knowledge is fundamentally very useful for our lives. In reality, when we try to have a genuine conversation with another person, we struggle to listen to them. Our mind is so jam-packed with thoughts that we no longer have the time and space to consider others' opinions. Our brains are overloaded with cognitive processes. At work, we have to think for at least 8-9 hours a day to accomplish our tasks. We enter into what very often becomes a commonplace where we believe that to be successful in life we can not do otherwise. Our internal silence is the only way to help us with deep listening. Deep listening allows us to process better answers. This is one of the keys to honest communication. It is impossible to make a proper speech without having observed it before within us. The right statement when done correctly helps both sides, i.e. both the speaker and the listener. Very often in the speeches, we pay attention only to the form of the lexicon used, which is as correct as possible. In fact, in many cases, this way of communicating does not provide more clarity to the listeners. When the words we adopt in our discourse are made with compassion and with the awareness of being interconnected with others, then we can surely say that we are expressing a good speech. Very often the level of communication is based on the speed of execution. When we give a swift response to our colleagues, that is an unconditional reflex to an emotional situation. This way of communicating in many cases is not a great help to our interlocutors. We can try a little exercise. For example, if in the future in the workplace you are asked a question do not give a quick answer but allow some time before answering. This exercise enables the query to penetrate your mind giving the possibility to those who have requested it to make them understand that they have been honestly heard. This mental process is essential for everyone but especially for those who do professions in which they have to help other people. You have to practice to make sure that you understand that we must open our minds to understand ourselves well.
We need to train ourselves to know how to create the right mental space that then allows us not only to understand ourselves better but also to be able to help others. This kind of mental exercise will enable us to be more free and therefore at ease. If you can open up space within yourself, you will find that people want to be close to you. We must not teach or say anything, the sense of inner freedom that we have created will automatically attract others. The quality of your presence will cause a feeling of wellbeing. In some oriental philosophies, this is called the virtue of non-action. In other words, we can stop our thinking and then automatically we can bring back our mind in contact with our body. This type of exercise is not passive, it is a dynamic mental state and at the same time very creative. While doing absolutely nothing this state of non-action will be able to create positive energy so that the people who are in our vicinity can feel the benefits immediately. This virtue is paramount to communicate with others. You also don't have to work into mental health to have the skills to listen to others.
There are examples of therapists who are not able to listen to their patients. It is painful to listen to others if suffering reigns in our hearts. Our hearts must be emptied of those pains before we can hear with clarity and efficiency. Therapists know many techniques and have studied psychology for many years but are not able to heal sometimes because they have not been able to listen to themselves with compassion. Therapists and counsellors are human beings like everyone else and their ability to improve and listen to others depends on the ability to understand themselves. To help others, we must be able to create the right space within us that allows us to manage inner peace. Inner peace is our medium that promotes healing for our listeners. To achieve this mental state we need to practice daily. You have to practice inner silence to understand what peace is. Inner peace will allow us to understand ourselves and when this happens, we will be able to listen and understand others too.

Giuseppe Loporchio

Source: Silent by Thich Nhat Hanh